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Tuesday, January 04, 2005
new and improved. (and japanized)
GUESS WHO'S BACK...
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*pic removed, you evil bastards!!*
i must've forgotten how to do this already so..
click
HERE
-edit-
YOU EFFING PERVERTS WHO ASK WHERE THE VID IS, WELL I'VE TAKEN IT DOWN SO SHOOT ME. wtf? get a life.
-end edit-
Posted at 09:29 pm by red_star
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Friday, October 08, 2004
finally.
no more classes for me. for this sem, at least. i couldn't believe it myself. a lot of things have happened these past 5 months.. a lot. i find it hard to even express myself right now, a rarity for the kring. yes, ive proclaimed my name a common noun. my friend arianne says it's supposed to be an adjective though. like.. "can you be more kring??" or.. "why is she so.. kring??"
ok, i digress.. where was i?? aaahhh.. the past 5 months. ive publicly announced my being a non-f4 fan. i've started a tvfxq group/forum/club.. whatever. ive worked my ass off in school (and i do mean worked my ass off). ive had my first facial. ive finished my first gay fanfiction, which is perhaps one of my fave works (for special reasons). ive questioned my sexuality and fantasized over a whole lotta bishies. ive met many people like mishi, jay, shan and wari, whose name i will only type down once.
there were a lot of tears. a lot of sweat. a lot of body ache. a lot of bad words uttered. for a long time, being an f4 fan, my bitchiness was repressed, hence, my outburst now. no hating. someone taught me not to hate. just.. indifference.
i look back and smile. 5 months is a short time yet i feel so burnt out right now. i couldn't believe ive finished all the works ive done. 2 scripts, the documentary, the chinatown feature, the advertisement defense, the reports, the quizzes, the hosting stints, the hamster thingy and many others more. specially on the past month, i feel like i lived life as if i was being chased by a psycho with a poisonous dildo who plans to stab me with it anytime. now, i just wanna sit back. and watch the world as it spins. and i want to write. i want to write about a lot of things. i haven't written in a while and my fingers want so badly to be one with the keyboard already. i have 3 pending stories, 1 of which, ive promised a long time ago to a very special person whom i don't get to talk with anymore.
thus, i want to catch up on people again.. and make them realize taht i didn't really forget them. i feel guilty, actually, not having the time of the day to even just greet them hi.
ultimately though, this entry will be somehow a farewell. i am now worn out. currently not interested with many things. i have to work on something just coz it is my responsibilty. not because my heart desires it. i need counselling. just for now, i need someone's shoulder where i could rest my head on. i do that for a lot of people; have always been their shock-absorber. and i'll forver be willing to do that for them. but now i wonder, who'll offer their shoulders to me. i need not tell you what's wrong coz i myself dunno what it is. i just... want you to be there. whoever you may be.
current emotional state: shitty.
this may sound like im reaching out to you. i prolly am. or maybe this is just a premonition. i don't fear death, don't worry. and yeah, ive written about my ideal funeral already so just tell my parents, please. i might be back. i might. i still am not sure.
thank you everyone who supported and read and commented and bashed and loved pulang tala. i'll be off for now. my best wihses to you and your families...
the kring.
ps: my handles are at the profiles section. just check it. Im me if you also need someone to talk to. just not when im PMS-ing. and oh, i left some quotes..
Love can sometimes be magic.
But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion.
-Javan
Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.
-Anais Nin
Posted at 06:53 pm by red_star
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Wednesday, October 06, 2004
ok, so there were some reactions about me shutting this blog down...
im still thinking about it though. not that i got nothing more to write about... in fact, everyday, i do learn more things... hhmmm.. like... *thinking* the safest sexual position is the girl on top of the guy coz the penis is less contact with the vagina and the semen will flow against the gravity..
having thoughts of killing a professor is not exactly a good thing.
im starting to question my sexuality now (preferences, fetish, fantasies...). like seriously. i need help.
what else have i learned?? getting a facial hurts. cramming for a project can cause great misery and and.. um.. 500 pesos is a lot for students...
it's just that.. iunno.. i dun think people still read this anyway.. or maybe they do. they are just floating around here somewhere.. but then again, i dun write for others.. it's just that.. iunno.. i think im getting.. fed up?? tired?? or do i just need to do a B2 and clean all these things up and start a new one.. (i hope B2, you wont think im copying you.. *get the pun?*)
what's happening to me?? i think that my workoholism took its toll.. and now, im like.. so not interested in life. at least for now.. do you guys notice that?? even my friend said i havent been hyper lately.. wtf?? hyper?? gawd!! people!! allow me to rest, please..
on monday, immona go out for this integ ball. believe me, i dun usually go out partying and this will be one of the rare times immona be a party animal (my ass). and we're supposed to wear wings for the theme. kewl.. wings..
i might just stick a sanitary napkin with wings on my back.
talk to me, salvage me sanity.
some random smileys coz im too tired to look for them:
    
Posted at 09:45 am by red_star
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Thursday, September 30, 2004
i just found out my prof isnt around and we do not have a class.. this must be my lucky day.  REST!!!
if you know me enough, then you'd know how insecured i am of my writing. poetry, that is...  i have been exposed to real writers a lil too much to know that im a gum sticking to the sole of your shoe compared to them. seriously.
but with prose, i feel quite ok.. however, there are times when i feel soooo inspired that i actually dare myself to write poetry. like now. i was just too high in spirit that i made my stupid self believe i can do a virginia wolfe. (wait, isnt she a novelist??) whatever.. *rolls eyes* i miss my blog. 
now, this little composition of mine is.. er.. little. nothing to brag about. but it comes from the heart. and that's what is important. not my story.. but someone's.. someone who had inspired me in ways he doesnt even know. yes, this is to you... and to the one you love.  as i always say, i don't know how you feel but i understand you. and i hope i don't disappoint you with this. again, i aint a paet. my gift. coz im really glad for you. you deserve only happiness. 
Scarlet River
In nightmare-land I dwell.
Wounded, was forced to run
as fast as the hurricane eye.
Chased. Threatened.
Afraid. Alone.
The thrust, the dagger
The thrust, the dagger
Innocent spirit gone.
Lacerated, each drop
of blood filling up a river.
Scarlet. Thick.
Placid. Passive.
The depth, I'm drowning
The depth, I'm drowning
But
from the nauseating liquid
you drank
and savored
the pain, my curse
the joy, my dreams.
Brick
by every hardened brick
you broke
the wall
and reached for my
unthumping heart.
My shivering soul
you clinched
and every inch
of my nakedness
was shielded
by the beauty that is
you
are no mistake...
Bond my ruptured
pieces.
Bond.
Fill the wanting
crevices.
Fill.
Steal my past.
Undo if you must.
I gleam, I shine, I radiate
as you
are no mistake...
copyright pulang tala 092904. take this without permission and you wont have orgasm for life!!!!!
Posted at 01:54 pm by red_star
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Friday, September 24, 2004
im not pregnant!! woot woot!!
sigh.. apologies to my 5 readers if i couldnt update my pathetic blog as often as i would want to coz as ive said, my life's in a rush right now, busy like a bumble bee and i barely have the time to stare at the mirror and fall in love with myself. ok, so the last part was a joke. but really, someone poke my eye now with a fork. i demand some lovin', which, these past few days, i havent been getting much..
now now, why the sudden entry, you ask.. oh well, i just hafta share this with you guys.
earlier today, i hosted a talkshow for TOMCAT and it's titled EXPRESS-O. I LLLLLLLOOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDD the topic!!!!! foreign students studying at my university!!!! i mean, how more fitting could i get?!?!?
anyways, the other guests weren't able to come but there were 4 who did. 2 koreans *fluttering eyelashes*, a nigerian and a malaysian. woot woot!!!!! believe me, it was sucha blast!!!!! ive made friends with all of them and we all bonded like snot on a wall, laughing and chattering even after the show was done..
amazing!!!!!
other than gaining new friends, and of course, appearing on tv again (have i mentioned i just love the camera?? oohh.. btw, info. 5 mins before the show started, as we were sitting on our respective places already, the director asked me to change my top for it was supposedly "too revealing". whatever. i changed to a more wholesome blouse, which made me look 67 pounds heavier. freak it.), i also learned ssssoo many new infos that of course, i wasnt aware of then (duh!! NEW!!).
- the nigerian national anthem is in english. @_@ good thing ours is still in filipino..
- brown skin is supposed to be more beautiful than yellow skin in malaysia.
- a younger girl cannot just apporach an oppa (older guy). that's why i was wondering all along why sarang wasnt talking to or being chums with ricky.. they're supposed to be acquainted by a common friend first.
- contrary to my previous belief, koreans are far more conservative in than us pinoys. and guys dont exactly kiss other guys there as i thought before.
- contrary agian to my previous belief, nigerians are far wilder than filipinos, especially the youth.
- nigeria isnt all safari. lions wont just pass you by anytime.. >_<
- malaysians love hot noodles. ^_______^;;;; jaimee brought a lansak. or something.
- dont ever give foreigners a beso-beso (or air kissing or however you call it) just like that. culture shock, honey.. culture shock.. (it's like kissing cheek to cheek which is common among pinoys)
- our country is very much more open about homosexuality.. so yes, im thankful.. at least im accepted by my society..
- courting is such a pinoy thing..
- dont ever marry a nigerian if you dont want your husband's relatives to put white sheet on your bed on your honeymoon night and wait the next day if there's blood on it. @____@
oh well, i did learn a whole lot more but thatd be all for now. im having an all-nighter again *coffee!! i want coffee!!* and finally, i have my period. i see red stuff on my panty!! i see red stuff!! im not pregnant!! yahoo!!! >_< what the eff??
*smileys later*
Posted at 08:19 pm by red_star
Permalink
Saturday, September 18, 2004
where the heck had THE kring been, you may wonder...
well, 5 beloved readers, let's just say ive been busy.
i was awake for about 50 hours (wednesday to friday), previewing and writing my tv prod script and editing our feature..  and yes, i was meal-less for 25 hours. gah!!! i miss my blog and my friends.. but i guess i have to make a lot of sacrifices for this is the life i chose. i have always wanted to do this.
anyways, here are some pix of me during out binondo shoot. just thought you missed me too much.
me.. riding a friggin calesa.
tip: if you dun want to attract attention, NEVER EVER WEAR A CHEONGSAM WITH A COWBOY HAT WALKING AROUND CHINATOWN.
in my "IM-A-CHEONGSAM-WEARING-DIRECTOR-SO-DON'T-PISS-ME-OFF" mode.
ive been seriously hella busy these past weeks and i wont get to "rest" til after finals.  so please bear with me.. my eyes are drooping now. waits, i think ive mentioned that a lil too much already. ok, enuff.
im currently listening to this chinese artist... woot woot!!! his name is z chen (i think) and dang, his songs rock!!! meimei.. do you know him?? i cant understand the lyrics but holy shit!!! im addicted to it now!!! (however, i still claim that jay chou's confucius reincarnate).
in fact, because of the song (which i repeat, i can't understand) ive become confused. of my feelings for someone...
i am not in love. or so that's what i want myself to believe. i can't possible be. i know myself too well and when i feel something special for somebody, i usually just allow it to linger. i drown myself in the intense emotions and don't put a cap on it.
right now, im crying again, still listening to the beautiful melody. and i see the two of us together. i hear us laugh, i see us smile. but that's all there is to it. the most intimate thing we could possibly do is hold hands. ive vowed never to kiss him.
ive vowed never to fall for him.
because to fall for him is to risk our wonderful friendship. ive let that happen when i was younger, when i was too gullible and naive to realize the consequenses of my actions. i guess you could say im bolder then.. but see, i never got to "talk" with my lost love after.. ive learned my lessons.
and hell, id rather die than for that to happen with him. i guess you could say i really do love him. BUT IM NOT IN LOVE.
and ive been pondering about it. if we were meant to be, fate should've been favorable for us. we couldve been given the chance to spend more time with each other.. but he's happy with someone else. and im happy for him.
right now, we've become too busy. last time i saw him was.. gawd, i cant even remember. but i know he's just there. like i am just here.. convincing myself im still in control.
crap. i should stop listening to this song now.
Posted at 08:00 pm by red_star
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Sunday, September 12, 2004
by the river pasig, i sat down and wept
my favorite books would have to be little women by luisa may alcott and the alchemist by paolo coelho (im a friggin existentialist).  i havent read much lately so dont blame me..
anyway, i recently found time to finish this book, by the latter author, titled BY THE RIVER PIEDRA, I SAT DOWN AND WEPT.. and man, did i weep!!!!!! in fact, tears started to stream down on pg 2. yes, PAGE 2.  im such a sucker for heartbreaking stories and for some reason, the "ive-loved-him-as-far-as-i-could-remember" subplot never fails to make my nose turn acid.
i was quite disappointed with the ending just coz it wasnt tragic or whatever.. towards the middle though, i began to realize a lot of things about religion and learned a whole lot about my faith.. truly spritual. and very well written. (it's a coelho, what do you expect??)
i wont review the book just coz i dun do that. im a film-person.. but lemme share you some words that truly made me bawl my eyes out.
"May my tears run just as far that my love might never know that one day I cried for him. May my tears run just as far, that I might forget the river Piedra, the manastery, the church in the Pyrenees, the mists, and the paths we walked together.
I shall forget the roads, the mountains, the fields of my dreams- the dreams that will never come true."
believe me, my flesh just quivered after i read those lines.. ive only experienced petty love, i know. but the persona just spoke so much of my own fears, my own frustrations, my own sadness.. if only i was as articulate. if only i was as good with words.. if only my lost love knew the wounds he had caused and if only i could forget too... 
another one.
"In real life, love has to be possible. Even if it is not returned right away, love can only survive when the hope exists that you will be able to win over the person you desire.
Anything else is fantasy."
I was like.. what the?? then broke down.  i was finally able to understand what my friend told me that what i feel for zz isnt "love", in it's truest sense. just a make-believe.. my own world of butterflies and sunshine.. at least, if i encounter something similar to that, i would know now..
"He stopped fooling with his glass and looked at me. 'No, I'm not mistaken. I know you don't love me.'
This confused me even more.
'But I'm going to fight for your love', he continued. 'there are some things in life that are worth fighting for to the end.'
I was speechless.
'You are worth it.' "
*sniff* makes me wonder when will the time come that id hear someone say those words to me.. *self-pity mode* im a hopeless romantic crybaby, i admit. but id rather be one than be a stone-hearted dweeb who needs the running water from river piedra to thaw his/her frozen emotions.
i sure hope you'd read this book. then tell me what you think about it.
ps: to the non-pinoy readers, pasig is the river that crisses the heart of manila. it stinks like hell and is very very polluted.
DO NOT CLICK!! >_<
Posted at 02:05 pm by red_star
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Wednesday, September 08, 2004
agamemnon and my quadruplets
since i might not get to add another entry til after i get my liposuction done, im posting something worthwhile to read.. something which has substance.. something that wont talk wbout mah obsessive, narcissistic nature or my sexual fantasies of those bishies..
im talking about my pimple scars. ok, just kidding.
about 2 weeks ago, we had a presentation about agamemnon, a greek literary character. and i was really caught by this line: "envy and admiration co-exist".
hard as it is to admit, we all know that that is true. coz well, if you admire someone, that means you see something in that person that you like... thus, you would want to have. you may not be consciously aware but to some extent you are envious.  yes honey, you are.
one cannot admire and not be envious at the same time. likewise, one cannot be envious without admiring the other. and it made me wonder.. do i envy ate dina??? how bout wari??? WTF?!?! DOES IT MEAN THAT I ENVY AKANISHI JIN??? (kring, you dun admire him.. you LUST over him) 
what else?? aaahhh.. it's september, right?? i seriously din even notice it anymore.. im pretty certain too that i wont notice when it's october already coz my sked's like full this whole month til well.. after sembreak. >__<
oohh.. btw, we're doing a documentary bout kids with HIV and a feature bout the manila chinatown so yeah, please help us pray that both would turn out really well.. we're joining the docu to this competition and we're really crossing our fingers that we could at least become a voice for them..
ok, my first very own siggy.. (self-made) am i even proud of that??
wow.. as if it's so good.. bleh.
and yes, here are my quadruplets  with wari, who, unfortunately, asked me to give him some space and time off to think some things out.. aka the "sorry-kring-but-im-really-gay speech"  (the next entry has been posted at another forum already..) WARNING: causes diarrhea
i know.. i know what you're thinking.. "man, this gurl is nuts!!! she's obsessed with a gay guy!!!!"
guess what. YES, I AM!!!!!! AND YOU CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT IT!!!!!! next thing you know, im getting a tattoo of his name on my breast.. puhahahaha!! (considering my nature, that's NOT impossible..)
oh well..
yes yes.. here are our quadruplets. all girls.  some look older than the others but just coz the pics werent taken at the same year.. sorry but the filipino blood is just too strong.
ok, here are their names.. from l-r:
WYNONA: named after the shop-lifting star.. she has some lesbian tendencies.. hates the powerpuff girls for some reason but wants to be a firefighter.
ANYA: the most quiet of them all. but the brightest. at a young age, she has learned to speak 4 languages. english, filipino, sanskrit and elvish. wants to be a teacher. >__< ^&@^%#(@!!!
RYUMI: obviously wants to be a friggin star someday. -_-;; acquired her mom's narcissism and thinks that britney spears is the virgin mary.. 
ISHA: the last kid to come out of mah uterus and the sweetes of the 4.. she isn't too bright but compensates for it through he cartwheels and madonna impersonations. dreams of being.. a blue pony. *blink blink*
notice the initials of their names.. W-A-R-I. *grins*
if id have a boy triplet... id name them LUIS, ORVEN and LANCE.
L-O-L. (kring, YSCYWBWT?!?!?)
Posted at 01:58 am by red_star
Permalink
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
beneath the diamond-strewn canopy of the night
i close my eyes and think of the one i love
within the silent chamber of my immortal soul
i reach out to the memory of him
for that is all that is left
and all i shall ever have...
- kundiman ng haraya.. para kay pulang tala.
since my dad bought me my own digicam, ive become such a digicam whore.. actually, i wanted to take pictures of me naked but i was afraid wari might lust over me too much.
then again, that din prevent me from taking my "not-so-porno pix" and yes yes.. id share some of them with you (not the ones where my tits are showing though. ahaha!! kidding!! *or am i??*).. these were taken just right after i took a bath last night and i havent brushed my hair yet. >_<
WARNING: SCARY IMAGES AHEAD. BE AFRAID. BE VERY AFRAID. *shrieking woman at the background*
*pic removed by me*
i looked drugged. @_@ maybe coz i was...
*pic removed by me*
*rawr* want me to bite you??
*pic removed my me*
licking on nutella.. yum!!!
3 pix for now.. got some more but they're reserved for next time..
im supposed to be doing something else but sure.. my braincells arent functioning so i cant write a complete, solid entry..
Posted at 12:34 am by red_star
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Saturday, September 04, 2004
A VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT:
i love yaoi.. i am attracted to gay/bi guys and also find feminine characteristics in guys irrisistable.
@___@ could it be that im a... LESBIAN?!?! only that im in denial that i actually like girls?!?!?!
hell, kring. tell them the truth. yes yes.. im a lesbian and going steady with a girl..  (sorry B2, sorry mei mei)
her name is janelle. she's damn beautiful and i love her to bits.. she supports the fact that i also drool over pretty boys who remind me of princesses.. we've been together for a year and 2 months now.. iunno where this relationship is heading but yeah, im still hiding in a closet. 
it's ironic to think that i encourage mah friends to be open and proud when i myself suffer and tremble inside. i cant afford to really "come out" coz of my parents.. i guess it's also safe to say that all those spazzing and hyperventilating over zaizai and the rest was but a cover.. a pretense.. sorry everyone. it's not my fault though..
ok, i asked her permission if i could post her pic and well, she din have a problem with it.. so..
told yah she's pretty.. and she's mine.  (wari, she noes about "us", dun worry..)
i guess that's enuff revelation for tonight. im heading to bed. shooting tomorrow...
btw, i did mention im a liar, didn't i??? *yawns*
Posted at 12:25 am by red_star
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